


Why Not Both?

by PinkPandorafrog



Series: Advent Calendar 2020 [14]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28070250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkPandorafrog/pseuds/PinkPandorafrog
Summary: Darcy's cousin is one of the few people who can get under her skin, but maybe this year won't be so bad.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Tony Stark/Thor
Series: Advent Calendar 2020 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035660
Comments: 16
Kudos: 137





	Why Not Both?

**Author's Note:**

> December 14's prompt is fake relationship for the holiday.

Darcy was fairly happy with her life, generally speaking. She got to live basically rent-free in Manhattan, she had some pretty amazing friends - one might even call them  _ super _ friends if one wanted to go for the pun - and her job was pretty fantastic.

There was only one person who could send her into the depths of low self-esteem, and that was her cousin Mindy. Mindy was about a year and a half older than Darcy and had grown up just down the street.

It probably didn’t help that their grandparents compared them all the time. Mindy was the first to get a degree - which, okay, but there was a reason for that. Mindy was the first to get married (and divorced, but honestly her ex was a dick). She was the first one to have a child, she did all this work for charity, her job was Big and Important - she was a mid-level manager at a bank - and she had a side-hustle as a decorator that occasionally brought her in contact with locally-famous people. Mindy, according to most of the family, was the shit.

And Mindy, after having heard how amazing and wonderful she was for most of her life, looked down her nose at Darcy. They didn’t talk much, but inevitably once a year at the Lewis holiday get-together, Mindy would corner Darcy with back-handed compliments, humble-bragging, and faux concern. Darcy almost wished she was back in London. That had been a good excuse not to go - sorry, can’t make it, on another continent. 

Darcy took a deep breath as she pulled up the drive to Mimi and Pop-pop’s house. The gravel area out front was already filled with cars, and that looked like Mindy’s Tesla over by the fence.

She sat there a moment even after the engine was off and the car was quiet. It wasn’t too late to back out. She could say something-something her cat was sick. Probably less believable after she’d already called Mom to tell her the plane had landed and she was on her way.

Pasting a smile on her face, she opened the door and stepped out onto the gravel. It was cold and damp. There might even be snow, which on the one hand, Mimi and Pop-pop’s farm looked amazing in the snow. On the other, she’d be stuck there for however long. They lived out in the sticks, so plowing their narrow, winding road wasn’t a huge priority for the county.

The smoke curling up from the chimney was inviting, as was the warm glow of the lights in the windows. She hefted her backpack up on her shoulder and let the car door swing shut before crunching across the gravel to the porch.

The lights strung around the railing twinkled merrily. That same bushy wreath had sat on the front door every year for as long as Darcy could remember. She didn’t bother knocking, just turned the knob and went inside.

The noise hit first, followed closely by the various scents coming out from the kitchen. She’d opted not to show up early to help bake this year because Mindy was sure to be there, and she’d kind of missed it. Still, when Josh detoured as he ran down the hall to throw his arms around her hips and say, “Aunt Darcy!” made her smile.

She hugged him as best as she could until he pulled away and ran off, no doubt involved in some game with the other kids.

His exclamation must have been heard, because Mom came down the hall. The sight of her made Darcy’s smile grow. “There she is,” Mom said, pulling Darcy into a warm hug. “How was the trip?”

“Not bad.” Darcy hugged her tight for a long moment before pulling away. “Feels like snow.”

“Yeah.” Mom’s eyes flicked toward the frosted glass window just beside the door. “I know you could only get a couple days off work. Are they going to fuss if you can’t get back?”

Guilt twinged through Darcy’s stomach. That was the excuse she’d given for not being able to stay for too long. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. My boss is usually pretty cool when emergencies come up.” Pepper was the tits.

“Come on in, have a drink.” Mom took Darcy’s arm and drew her into the beckoning warmth of the house.

It wasn’t long before Darcy had a mug of hot chocolate with a healthy dose of Irish cream in it. She stood at the edge of the living room listening to Uncle Frank instruct Jemi on the proper way to hold her new BB gun.

Over the noise of the kids playing, of so many conversations happening at the same time, Darcy missed the door opening. She did  _ not _ miss the way a familiar hand settled on her hip as someone stepped into her enough that her shoulder brushed their chest.

She looked up at Thor in some surprise. “You-” was as far as she got before he leaned down to give her a gentle kiss. His lips were warm, his mustache tickling against her skin. He lingered for only a moment before straightening away.

Wait.

Hold the fucking phone.

Thor had just  _ kissed _ her. They were reasonably touchy-feely with each other. Thor won at platonic cuddles.

However, they definitely weren’t on kissing terms. Or they hadn’t been?

His eyes crinkled at the corners with his smile. There was nothing but familiar warmth in his expression as he looked down at her. “That smells delicious.” He inclined his head at the mug.

Silence filled the room. The kids were still playing somewhere in the house, and conversation was still happening  _ elsewhere _ , but everyone in the room had stopped to stare. That was a little awkward.

“I’ll take you to get some,” Mom said, taking a step forward. “I’m Linda, Darcy’s mom.” She shot Darcy an accusatory look that probably meant something like  _ why didn’t you introduce us to your giant boyfriend _ .

Which would be fair if Darcy had been aware she actually  _ had _ a giant boyfriend.

“I’m Thor,” Thor said as she led him away.

Darcy could only stare after them. What in the actual  _ fuck _ ?

Everyone else in the living room kept staring at her for another few moments before going back to what they’d been doing. More quietly than they had, for sure, and that meant that when the door opened again a few minutes later, Darcy definitely heard it.

She also heard an unmistakable voice say, “Sugar bear!” 

Thor showing up and kissing her was unexpected, but she could sort of kind of go with it maybe. It was Christmas, it was festive, it could happen.  _ Tony _ strolling into the living room with a smile on his face, his hand sliding into the small of her back as he leaned down to kiss her cheek was on an entirely different level.

“What are you-” she started, staring up at him.

“I know, we’re late.” He grimaced. “Sorry, honey, we came as soon as we could.” He plucked the cup from her hand and took a sip. “Now that’s just about perfect. Kitchen?” He didn’t even really give her a chance to answer before he pushed the mug back at her and disappeared into the depths of the house.

She pressed her lips together as she stared after him. What in the  _ actual fuck _ was going on?

“Darcy!” After having her world entirely blown to pieces like that, Darcy just wasn’t ready for Mindy’s too-sweet smile. “It’s so good to see you again!”

If there was one thing her job had prepared her for, it was putting a smile on her face and acting calm when everything was going to shit. She pasted a bright, professional smile on her face. “You too!” She didn’t mean a word of it, and she was positive Mindy didn’t either.

“You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you accidentally asked both of them to come and pretend to be your date.” Mindy’s smile held the edge of a smirk.

That was a low blow. Darcy had complained about the situation to Steve, who was basically her best friend, but she wouldn’t even ask him to do that. And not just because he was in a monogamous relationship. “Wait, weren’t you asking me if I was sure I knew both of them last time we saw each other?” Being in PR meant thinking on her feet, and it was nice to be able to have something to come back with.

Mindy shook her head and rolled her eyes like even the suggestion was just ridiculous. “Then what else would they possibly be doing way the hell out here? This can’t be on there way to… whatever.”

“What does it look like?” Darcy asked mildly, mostly because she didn’t want to commit to anything when she wasn’t sure herself. She knew what it looked like, at least on the surface, but like…  _ what the fuck _ ? Because Thor and Tony both joked around sometimes, but this would be uncharacteristically cruel.

“I don’t know.” Mindy’s eyes narrowed, and she tapped her lips with one crimson fingernail. “I’ll find out.”

“Darcy wasn’t expecting us,” came Tony’s voice floating down the hall. It sounded like it was getting closer. “We were, you know,  _ busy _ .” There was a general murmur of understanding, and that definitely wasn’t just Mom.

Tony came back into the living room with what looked like the rest of the household behind him and a steaming mug in his hand. He walked right up to Darcy, his hand once against settling in the small of her back as he leaned in to kiss her neck. There was no way she was on neck-kissing terms with Tony. Sure she thought he was hot and she’d thought about it a few times because  _ come on _ , but like… What?

He looked up at Mindy as though noticing her for the first time. “Hey,” he greeted with a smile.

“Hi.” Mindy stared back at him wide-eyed.

“I’m Tony.”

“Mindy.”

“Uh-huh. Mind if I borrow my sugar bear for a second? Great, thanks.” Tony didn’t even give Mindy a chance to respond before his hand slid over to hook around Darcy’s waist and steer her back toward the hall. He deposited his mug on a table on the way out, and neatly plucked hers from her to do the same.

She soon found herself on the front porch where Thor stood staring out over the gravel. He turned as soon as the door opened, smiling when he saw her. “What the  _ fuck _ is going on?” she hissed as soon as Tony closed the front door. She came to a stop beside Thor so there was a bit of distance between her and the house. No one else needed to overhear this conversation. “What are you doing here?” Her eyes flew to Thor. “Both of you?”

“Little birdie said you might need some moral support.” Tony stepped up on her other side, his arm coming around her.

She was going to kill Sam. She’d figured Steve might tell his boyfriend, but she hadn’t counted on said boyfriend then blabbing to others. “I’m never telling him anything again,” she muttered.

“Darcy,” Thor started, his tone serious. He tugged on her hip, turning to face her so she looked square up at him. “Would you have us leave?” His fingers pressed into her, warm through her jeans. Not taking her jacket back out with her had been a mistake.

She let out a long sigh. Her head dropped forward until her forehead rested against his chest. “No?” Her voice was slightly muffled by his shirt and her hair. She’d feel bad. Plus the look on Mindy’s face had been absolutely priceless. “I guess not? But like why are you here?”

“We’re your dates,” Tony said, one hand coming up to her waist.

It irked her a little that Mindy was basically right, though to be entirely fair, she hadn’t asked either one of them. “Both of you?”

“Oh yes,” Thor replied with a certain sense of satisfaction

Warm fingers pulled her hair away from the back of her neck. “You are too tempting,” Tony murmured before his lips moved along her skin.

She froze. There were fleeting thoughts about how she thought they were just faking it for her family and there was no family around, but the heat of his mouth tingled through her and any protest faded away.

Thor tipped up her chin with one finger. Tony adjusted smoothly, making a tempting path to the side of her neck. Thor leaned down to close his lips over hers. The kiss was hotter than the brief one he’d given her inside - harder, deeper, his tongue dancing with hers.

Darcy was fairly sure her head was just going to float away. This was absolutely unreal. She was almost afraid to move for fear it would make them both disappear or something.

Her phone vibrated angrily in her pocket, chiming to let her know she had a text. She pulled back with a start. “Oh. Um…” Shifting around to get her phone made Tony lift his head, though he didn’t exactly go away. “Mom. She wants to make sure everything’s okay.” What Mom had actually said was  _ Did you get lost? _ “We should head back inside.” That had been just about the last thing Darcy had expected when she’d gone outside with them.

No one was quite waiting in the front hall for them but it was awfully quiet. When they went back to the living room, there were more bodies than there had been, and every eye was glued to them.

“So,” Mindy started, syrupy sweet. “Did you figure out who you’re supposed to be here with?”

The memory of being pressed between them was at the front of her mind. “Both of them, of course.” Her cheeks felt like they were glowing. In for a penny…

Silence. Eventually Mom said, “Will you be staying the night?”

“No,” Tony cut in smoothly. “It’s hard to find a bed big enough for the three of us, especially with his shoulders.” He motioned to Thor with his thumb, pulling an exaggerated grimace. “Don't worry, we’ll return Darcy in the morning.”

There was another moment of silence before it was interrupted by the beep of an oven timer. That seemed to break the spell, with people going off to the kitchen and everyone getting back to, you know, not staring.

Mindy sashayed up. “It must’ve been so hard not to talk about them since you’re so happy together.”

A warning flashed through Thor’s eyes, but he didn’t say anything. Tony, however, gave her a charming smile. “We don’t always attract the  _ best _ attention. And since we didn’t know we’d be able to get here, Darcy figured it would be best not to say anything just in case we didn’t make it. You know, so no one gave her shit about it.” From his pointed look, it was absolutely clear who he meant, though his tone was pleasant enough. He leaned in to nip at Darcy’s earlobe. 

Mindy looked like she’d swallowed a lemon. She said something about helping in the kitchen before practically running away.

“You guys are the best,” Darcy murmured as she looked between them. “I owe you.” They’d just made her entire Christmas. Although the intensity in their eyes suggested they may not be quite done yet. And where the hell were they supposed to sleep?

**Author's Note:**

> I love this trope so. Much.


End file.
